title: junseung drabbles
pairing: junhyung x hyunseung
summary: a junseung drabble dumpsite which will be updated irregularly.
who'd have known sort-of spin-off
a/n: it's told in junhyung's perspective. and 'you' refers to hyunseung. i wrote this fic called 'who'd have known' (r rated) two years back i think and i suddenly decided to do this short spin-off. it's still a little incongruous with that fic but um the idea is there.
it was meant to be a few seconds. just a few seconds. i was supposed to just knock on your door and ask if you were okay because you looked so drunk and so weak and so tired and just so beautiful that i had to take a second look.
but it was supposed to be for a few seconds.
and then you opened the door and there was music. that song is mine. i wrote that song. you were listening to it. you were listening to it and you were crying and god, your tears are beautiful. you looked so beautiful crying. i asked you if you were okay, i was trying not to say "my song, you're crying to my song. why are you crying? please don't cry. you're beautiful when you cry but it doesn't mean i like seeing you cry. don't cry. not to my song. don't cry. ever." you said that i asked you a stupid question, you asked if you looked okay to me. i apologized and i took a look at your red eyes and your ruddy red cheeks and i told you you should go to bed. your bottom lip trembled and my song was playing on repeat behind you. you asked me "why the fuck did you have to write this song?"
you fell into my arms and i was hopeful. i was thinking i had a chance with you, my heart was beating loud in my arms. i wanted you so much and i loved that you were holding me, touching me, crying into my shirt. i wanted the moment to last because it felt like you were mine and i had you. i wanted the moment to be stop being a moment and start being a forever.
but then you pushed away from me, mumbled an apology and slammed the door in my face.
i looked at my watch. it lasted for a minute.
i decided i had to have you again. i wanted you to be mine again, maybe for just a few more seconds, maybe a few more minutes if i was lucky.
but you avoided me like the plague. you told your friends my songs are horrible and you hated me, you hated my songs. but then why were you crying to one of them? the hope in me died eventually. i knew i could never have you again. i knew i could never hold you or touch you or say 'hi' to you. i did what anyone else would have. i did, didn't i?
i tied you up and swallowed the key.
you were scared at first, you thrashed around on the armchair and you shouted profanities and you demanded i kill you or let you go. i threatened you with a gun between yours eyes and you continued demanding i kill you even though you were trembling and you were crying, wet spots forming on the blindfold around your head.
i knocked you out with the gun instead. i couldn't kill you. you could never be mine if i killed you. i would only have your body but i'd never have your heart. i wanted you to depend on me, to love me, to want to be with me. but i didn't know how to besides catching you and forced you to be with me for a while.
for maybe a few days.
i blindfolded you and pasted a length of tape over your lips so you could only scream in your throat until it was raw.
and then one night when i was in my own bed and wishing i could be in yours down in the basement (the one i gave you, anyway) i heard crashing and loud thumps. you were thrashing on the floor when i went down to the basement. you had slid out of bed and were trying to get up. you were crying and screaming and you didn't stop. i wondered if you were still dreaming, were you having a nightmare?
i tried to hush you, tried to hold you but you struggled and thrashed and i couldn't keep you at all. it made my heart ache to watch you scream and struggle so i did what anyone else would do again. i kicked you in the stomach and i knocked you out again.
the next morning as i fed you spicy soup, you coughed and complained your throat ached. you complained about the bump on your head as well. i didn't say anything. you spat the soup in my face. i still didn't say anything. sometimes i wondered why i love you. but then i realized i love you exactly because of this.
i asked you if you were having a nightmare last night.
"no, i just can't stand the silence." you shrug like it was completely normal. "it's like- you know how in horror movies, there is always silence before something pops out and scares the shit out of you? maybe it's that."
but i know you're afraid of being alone. i know silence to you means alone. silence to you means ignored. i didn't know how i know, maybe it was the twitch of your lips or the furrow of your brow or the slump in your shoulders. but i could tell.
somehow i fell in love with you even more because you're so human, you're not perfect, you're gorgeous and glorious and i think- i think i may love you forever.
when you asked me for my name, i was shocked. because i thought you knew who i was. i thought you would recognize my voice. i didn't realize i meant so little to you before this. i thought you would remember that time you fell into my arms and cried and asked why i wrote that song you were crying to. you didn't. it hurt me and it made me sulk but i didn't tell you who i was. you had said before i was ugly so i had blindfolded you, does that make sense? i didn't want you to see my face but i wanted to see yours. i wanted to be the only one to see your face.
"why don't you want to tell me your name?" you asked.
"i just don't."
"are you older than me? should i call you 'hyung'?"
"no, you're my hyung."
"listen to your hyung and let me go, won't you?"
it was meant to be a few days but it stretched into months. but the months stretched into forever. and i think i would never let you go.
- end -
they've been on the run for about 3 months now. both of them have lost watches, they're kind of not keeping track of time. they've lost everything, actually. everything but each other. hyunseung is so afraid of the day he'll lose junhyung and vice versa. they know they'll lose each other one day. it's inevitable, it's as if it were written in their contract "will lose loved one, the one very close to your heart."
they want to stop running, they want all of this to just- stop. but they can't, maybe not ever. but with this job, you can't just leave. they won't let you simply leave. even if you forget everything, others won't forget you. to leave this job, you have to die. that's the only way. and sometimes hyunseung dreams of dying just so he can leave. but junhyung... junhyung seems afraid of death. hyunseung has entertained romantic ideas of dying together and he has relayed these thoughts to junhyung before and junhyung always reacts with a grimace or a sad look and he'll make sure he kisses hyunseung until hyunseung forgets them.
junhyung is normally the leader. he's the more cautious one, the one who trusts no one but his partner. sometimes it depends on who his partner is, if it isn't hyunseung, it's unlikely junhyung will trust him. hyunseung thinks junhyung doesn't sleep. the coke junhyung guzzles like some kind of magic elixir must be keeping junhyung away or junhyung doesn't need sleep because he's a vampire.
then again he's glad junhyung doesn't sleep. because he may just never wake up.
* end *
a/n: preview to this.