dainuhsoar: (Marianne Faithfull)
dainuhsoar ([personal profile] dainuhsoar) wrote2014-01-04 01:55 pm

Rules and regulations at the zombie rehabilitation centre

title: Rules and regulations at the zombie rehabilitation centre
rating: g
pairing: woohyun x sunggyu
wordcount: 1084

summary: post-apocalyptic au, woohyun is a staff at the rehab centre and sunggyu is recovering.

Rules and regulations at the zombie rehabilitation centre

  1. all staff members have to follow the rules in the handbook
  2. no food and drinks allowed inside the centre, meals have to be eaten outside
  3. no loud noises e.g. screaming, laughing
  4. wounded or injured people are prohibited
  5. no visitors after 6pm
  6. don't tend to a patient alone, always go with your shift partner
  7. full body sterilization before entering rooms
  8. protective gear e.g. gloves, masks, jumpsuit has to be on at all times
  9. seriously, never scream
  10. when patients ask for brains, splash water at them and then lock their cage and alert a doctor
  11. inter-work relationships are prohibited (anybody noticed that dr. dongwoo and dr. howon are particularly close, hm?)
  12. no adding of unnecessary comments or unreasonable rules to the list of rules and regulations
  13. exchanging short conversation is encouraged, but never touch patients with bare hands or unnecessarily
  14. remind that newcomer woohyun to put gloves on
  15. request that visitors exit if they start crying
  16. all staff are obliged to tend to any patient in need, please don't tend to just one patient when he doesn't need anything... woohyun...
  17. when patient is banging on glass with crazy eyes and bleeding all over the place, don't approach, alert a doctor (woohyun, seriously, what the fuck were you thinking?)
  18. flirting with patients is strictly prohibited (to woohyun again)
  19. discussing attractiveness of patients is prohibited
  20. staff members have to admire patient #498 kim sunggyu at least 1 hour a day
  21. only nam woohyun is allowed to date patient #498 kim sunggyu
  22. staff members are strictly prohibited to form any kind of intimate relationship with patients, it's unhealthy for the patients and hinders their recovery
  23. staff members are allowed to disagree that forming relationships with patients 'hinders recovery' because patient #498 kim sunggyu seems to like woohyun a lot
  24. woohyun is prohibited to add anything more to this list
  25. gentleness and sensitivity is most important when dealing with all kinds of visitors
  26. shouting at visitors and calling them “fuckheads” is prohibited even the visitors are fuckheads for visiting just to cruelly insult and disown patient #498 kim sunggyu
  27. staff members are prohibited from crying in front of patients
  28. staff members are prohibited from making patients cry
  29. woohyun is prohibited from talking about sunggyu (we're not interested in how his gray skin is getting pinker or how his eyes are regaining life...)
  30. all staff members have to acknowledge that only 2% of patients recover and survive
  31. when exchanging conversation with patients, talk about appropriate topics e.g. the weather, how they are feeling today
  32. do not talk about the past or the future e.g. don't ask about their life before they turned into 'mindless man-eating zombies', don't talk about adopting a girl so you can braid her hair in the future with patient
  33. when patients go into a 'phase' when remembering their past, don't touch them, run out and lock their cage and alert a doctor
  34. woohyun, do you even read the rules and regulations? we said never touch them unnecessarily
  35. staff who made patient #498 remember his past and what he did when he was a zombie, suspended for 40 days
  36. ensure all cages are locked after lights out
  37. lights out is at 9pm every night
  38. when staff is suspended, they're not supposed to come back during their suspension period, not even as visitors
  39. when staff sneaks in during their suspension, their suspension will be extended 100 days
  40. dr. dongwoo and dr. howon are prohibited from being so gross (together)
  41. getting startled or nauseous over a patient's appearance is normal, but never show your shock or nausea in front of the patient
  42. when patient #498 acts up, call woohyun (who is on suspension at the moment) because woohyun is honestly the only staff who can calm him despite him being the one who caused sunggyu to act up once...
  43. all staff members are to agree that woohyun is the greatest and to give woohyun and sunggyu their blessings when they get married after sunggyu's recovery
  44. who the fuck let woohyun write that? (good to have you back, though)
  45. staff members are to take turns to guard the rules and regulations book from nam woohyun
  46. doctors have more authority than nurses, when doctors report something or say something, never interrupt
  47. doctors know what is best for the patients
  48. someone make sure woohyun doesn't tend to patient #498 again
  49. someone make sure woohyun doesn't cry in front of patient #498 again
  50. someone make sure patient #498 doesn't cry....
  51. accept that most patients don't recover
  52. when patient #498 acts up, alert a doctor to give him an anesthetic
  53. woohyun, seriously, don't go near him
  54. if staff member is bitten by patient, alert a doctor
  55. if staff member survives the bite and doesn't turn, they are incredibly lucky, please don't test your luck again
  56. intimate actions with a patient is absolutely fucking prohibited
  57. nam woohyun has to fucking stop holding sunggyu's hand already
  58. what happened to the 'nam woohyun has to stop tending to patient #498' rule?
  59. bringing patients out of the centre is strictly prohibited
  60. not even for stargazing or whatever, all of us know you snuck him out just so you can make out under the stars, woohyun
  61. dr. howon and dr. dongwoo really have to stop being so obvious about their boyfriend-ing
  62. when nam woohyun starts talking about how patient #498 is looking cuter everyday, slap him
  63. shut up, woohyun, we know he said he loves you...
  64. seriously shut the fuck up ugh
  65. when patient #498 smiles at you, whatever you do, don't swoon in front of him, no matter how cute he looks
  66. nam woohyun is to wear gloves at all times
  67. nam woohyun is prohibited from even touching patient #498 in the first place
  68. believe that miracles exist
  69. when patients' blood gets on to your hands, quickly wash your hands and sterilize full-body
  70. never give up on hope
  71. patient #498 is going to fine, don't worry so much, nam woohyun
  72. remind nam woohyun that patient #498 said he loves him
  73. screaming is strictly prohibited

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