Only ever in dreams I wrap my arms around you

[dainuhsoar]

title: Only ever in dreams I wrap my arms around you
rating: pg
pairing: junhyung x hyunseung
wordcount: 1343

summary: Unrequited love on Junhyung's part because everyone knows when it comes to junseung, Junhyung is damn whipped.

a/n: title is from 'sad dream' by sky ferreira.

Only ever in dreams I wrap my arms around you

            i.

            junhyung has never really noticed hyunseung until someone told him “hey, you heard of jang hyunseung from the sales department? he kinda looks like you.” even then, junhyung didn't care so much about this 'jang hyunseung' stranger, didn't bother go check whether he really looked like him even when he was surprised to hear it.

            only when he had to go to the sales department to get some forms signed that he met jang hyunseung. jang hyunseung and his high cheek bones, long face, doe eyes, red hair and thin lips. how did he resemble junhyung? junhyung has chubbier cheeks, a smaller face, kinda smokey eyes and full lips. they're completely different. but still, yoseob, who recognized junhyung, from the sales department called his name out and jostled him to stand next to hyunseung, they stood next to each other awkwardly with their elbows brushing, and announced, “you two are like twins!”

            nonsense. they're completely different.

            both inside and out.

 

            ii.

            after their first meeting, junhyung starts to see hyunseung more often. he starts to get invited to the same parties or dinners that hyunseung is invited to as well. he sits across from hyunseung at the table, occasionally smiling and laughing with him at a joke. hyunseung is as interested in junhyung as junhyung is to hyunseung, which is to say, not a hell lot. they can be distant friends who share occasional funny text messages, or close acquaintances who pause in their steps just to shout out each other's names when they see each other from across the lobby. but anything more than that, junhyung just doesn't see.

            until, of course, he starts to see.

 

            iii.

            they're both quiet. they're both reserved. they both flip through fashion magazines during their breaks. they both danced hip-hop while in high school. they both sing, rap and enjoy music. they're both odd and march to their own rhythm, hyunseung even more so.

            junhyung should have guessed he'd fall for his soulmate, the person who is his everything, who likes his everything, who should be everything. everything, to junhyung, includes a lover. hyunseung, unfortunately, isn't a lover.

            junhyung is a lover – he falls in love easily, deeply, harshly sometimes. when he's in love, he's blind to faults or wrongs or cruelty. he's a lover who is absolutely whipped.

            hyunseung is not a lover – he doesn't fall in love easily or deeply. he takes his time loosening feelings and drawing them out, he plays sometimes without knowing he's playing. he has never been in love, and he doesn't dwell on love too much, he's not a lover and all he does is drag junhyung around until junhyung's knees are scraped and leaving blood like tear tracks.

 

            iv.

            and then hyunseung goes and gets a girlfriend.

            his girlfriend is cute, petite and red-haired just like him. her face is heart-shaped, her eyes are big and round, her lips are red and perfect, her nose is small as a button. she's adorable, she's pretty, she looks like hyunseung. and she is like hyunseung, odd and lost in her own world, quiet, shy and hilarious. she's perfect for him, and he for her.

            hyunseung introduces her to junhyung, wraps an arm around her small waist and pulls her close to his side. he smiles and laughs that bubbly laugh of his, the one that sounds like it's coming from his throat. it's an ugly kind of charming laugh.

            “she was so hard to get,” hyunseung admits later at dinner, when his girlfriend go gets the drinks. “she played with me and didn't even know she was playing with me, i almost gave up, man.” the men at the table laugh and hyunseung laughs too, looking round the table until his eyes lock with junhyung's; his smile only widens into a grin while junhyung's own smile tumbles.

            hyunseung's girlfriend returns and junhyung has to excuse himself to um, kill himself in the toilet or something maybe.

 

            v.

            hyunseung is in ecstasy and junhyung wants to die.

            what they say about 'if you love someone, you'll want them to be happy'. fuck that, love is selfish and dirty and junhyung is selfish and dirty and he wants hyunseung, wants him, wants him, wants him.

            one of the things junhyung loves about hyunseung is his smile, wide and warm and genuine, teeth straight and white, lips thinning a very pretty way that makes the pink in his lips stand out even more. but he hates it now because he's not the one making hyunseung smile like that.

            he also loves how hyunseung blinks as he listens to people, looking like he's not listening very much at all, he looks like he's lost in his own world, and junhyung always wonders what he's thinking about, always taps him on the elbow and raises his eyebrows in a silent question, “what are you thinking about?” and hyunseung always answers him with a grin and a rise of eyebrows. now he doesn't ask any more because hyunseung is thinking about her, his girlfriend, because once, he answered his phone and said, “i was just thinking about you.” with the same he'd give junhyung before.

            almost everything junhyung loved about hyunseung has been taken away and kind of really sad. junhyung wants to bury himself, really.

 

            vi.

            junhyung gets a girlfriend to forget about hyunseung.

            she's tall and thin and has long wavy hair. her eyes are big and her lips full. she looks nothing like hyunseung, behaves nothing like him too. she's bubbly and kind and sweet. there were lots of guys after her but she turned eyes to junhyung. she's a lover like junhyung, easy, deep and harsh. she demands and hangs on and baits. but she only demands because she knows junhyung is the whipped kind of lover.

            hyunseung knows it too so when junhyung introduces his girlfriend to him, he grins and says, “dude, you're so in love with her, it's in your damn eyes.”

            but junhyung only knows 'it's in his damn eyes' only because he's looking at hyunseung.

 

            vii.

            hyunseung breaks up with his girlfriend 3 weeks after junhyung found his.

            junhyung wants to die all over again.

 

            viii.

            junhyung's girlfriend breaks up with him in 9 months. she said she stopped loving him 2 months ago. he wonders why she didn't break up with 2 months ago, he could have been back pining for hyunseung already. she says it's not him, it's her, and then later she changes her words and says it's actually him, not her. she says he doesn't listen to her, doesn't respond to her. she says his eyes wander and she doesn't like how some people stare at him or how he stares back. and then she ends up crying, “why can't you look at me like how you look at hyunseung?”

 

            ix.

            junhyung drives to hyunseung's house the same night. he listens to the stereo of his heartbeat. he recites what he's going to say to hyunseung, something about being soulmates, something about only him, something about in love since forever, he can't forget, can't forget, he'll never stop loving, never because he's completely and absolutely whipped to the fucking bone since day one, since he met hyunseung.

            junhyung nearly breaks hyunseung's door. hyunseung opens it, groggy and hair messy and looking too thin and too tired in his baggy pajamas. he glares at junhyung, and then softens and asks gently to know why his distant-friend but close-acquaintance and secret-admirer since uh, forever is crying at his doorstep. he puts an arm around junhyung's shoulders and brings him in.

            “my girlfriend broke up with me,” junhyung says, hyunseung begins to comfort him but all junhyung wants to tells him is, “i don't give a damn, i just want you.” but he doesn't say it because hyunseung's hand is warm on his back.

            junhyung is a lover and hyunseung isn't. hyunseung takes forever to fall in love with someone and it's just that- it's lucky that he knows junhyung has been his since forever.